Chapter 21: part VII (ending)

Chapter 21; ALONE; part VII (ending)

anyway, so like 745pm or so i tried to rest and i was afraid i'd die, so i asked dad to just stay there for awhile and make sure i didn't die. he just nodded and sat there. i told him he could go, just check on me before he left. i let myself go, and it felt wierd, because you know how in cartoons and stuff, how they show dead people with their tongues hanging out? well, that's how i felt, i was so spent, that i thought i was going to die because i could feel my tongue like it was falling out of my mouth like i was a dead woman. totally freaked the hell out of me, and i think i even told my dad...




anyway, i slept and had a totally psychadelic trippy dream. when i woke up, it was only 9pm and this voice in the wall (the intercom), he said 'Joanna, sweetie, are you alright?' it was nice of him to be so kind, he had a very purry, comforting voice. I told him, 'yeah, i just have to pee, i'm ok.' my dad must have told them i was scared and to check on me.



i think that night, it was J who took care of me, i think. i had that headache and was scared to go to sleep. but she told me she'd check on me in an hour, and somehow that comforted me, and i was able to drift off.



that psychadelic dream i had though, ew, it was wierd and freaky. it revolved around the clicks and whirling sound that the IV was making, that and my headache, and i was hot and uncomfortable.



the dream was about underground compartments that everyone's soul or spirit is trapped in. and this spirit you have has only one chance in it's life, or in it's eternity to 'snap' one picture, and one picture only...so you have to watch and wait for the perfect snapshot, because once you take it, that's YOUR picture, your mark on eternity, and that's IT, your gone, your dead, vanished.



So i followed all these people during this dream and their 'snapshots.' I remember, in particular, JP. He had a beautiful snapshot, it was curvy and a little swirly, it was a large marble, with the blue and greenish swirls within the marble, i know you've seen those type of marbles, and it was bright, like acrylic paints or a mosaic, like stained glass, that type of brightness and color, and this orb was contained in a, kind of like an old-fashioned wooden house-shaped watering well, very pretty, i could probably paint or draw it, and it's sitting on a green, grassy little hill, and it's lit somehow from the side so all the colors show, but there's a hint of a shadow too. and there's a little bit of a blue backround, lighter blue at the bottom, and getting darker blue toward the top, and nearly black at the very top. i can picture it.



lots of the innocent and young people who got to take 'snapshots' were similar, but with hues of pink, and swirls of yellow-orange. i think there was one for my dad, but i don't really remember it...but the one for JP was very vivid, i think because he has blue eyes.



If there was one for T it was yellow, a stark yellow with a bite - a contrasting stripe of orange running right through the middle, like an unsymettrical corkscrew, even like an umbilical cord, strange enough, very strong and distinct, absolute - if that's the right word...



strange, maybe eyes are gates to someone's soul, even though T doesn't have yellow eyes, he definately has a strong, undenying, and definitive spirit...



anyway, i don't think i had a snapshot for myself, i was kind of like witnessing the snapshots of other people, even strangers, but the 'snap' corresponded, i realized when i woke up, to the 'snap' that the IV made when it switched from the vancomycin to the normal saline. isn't that strange?



and then the whirring of the pump was like the 'roller coaster' i felt like i was on while i was watching the snapshots, cool, huh? i would definately say that was a 'trip,' but i wasn't really on any mind-altering drugs, it was more like a loss of blood and trauma that caused the dream. but boy, it was hard to sleep that night, i had bad muscle spasms in my head, neck, and all down my back too. ick.



i wish i could remember the snapshot i had for myself, i think there was some brilliant red in it, i think for sure there was some red, i think like sunrise or sunset colors too, kinda smudged in there.



anyway, i had been wanting to write that for awhile now, it was a very difficult day, that friday. i had been so uncomfortable with the bed and the diet and the muscle spasms and them not treating my anxiety, those are some of the reasons i had to leave on sunday, i just had to get out of there!



JOANNAJEAN

(end)