chapter 21; part VI

Chapter 21; ALONE; part VI

finally after about like 20 minutes, when everything was calmed down and cleaned up and G had left, my dad walked in, and i was like, 'where the hell have you been! do you KNOW what i just went through!' well, i said that fleetingly in my head and just choked as i told him, 'dad, i stood up and HALF MY BODY FELL OUT OF ME..' i told him this in a weak voice and he didn't hear me. he said, 'huh?' and i took a breath and repeated, 'dad,' and took another breath, 'they took out the tube, and i stood up and all this fluid came out, it was like half of my body fell to the floor.' he just looked at me as to say again, 'huh?' He looked at me dumbly, then looked around - everything looked fine - and he said, 'hmm,' and sat down. he had no idea, and i was too tired to explain further.




i had already been through enough that afternoon. the chest tube coming out, then getting cleaned up. before that, G had brilliantly put in an IV in my left forearm so that the neck IV could be removed later.



also, i had had a strange call from JP earlier where he seemed to have no clue in the universe what the hell i was talking about, he just kept saying, 'yeah, well, i understand that...yeah, hmm.' i tried to explain how wrong it all was, but he either wasn't listening or didn't get it or was on something, so i just hung up the phone and shook my head, it wasn't worth trying to get him to get it.



so, yes, the rest of that friday was extremely traumatic, but at least my dad was there to kind of help me through it. M took the neck line out of me just before the end of shift. G was scared of me at that point and was avoiding us.



Then, to cause more angst... at the end of the day, we were all exhausted, and in comes the nutritionist to give us a delightful discussion about the wonderful cardiac diet, and to LECTURE me about the fact that i haven't eaten and dietary will take special measures to make sure i get something i can eat. my dad and i were so tired at that point, we didn't want any lectures about diet or what i should or shouldn't be eating. i think we were a little rude to her, and i swear she was in my high school class, but we were just so tired...



dad stayed with me, tried to get me to eat some dinner, i think he helped me eat a little of it. my taste was all off after getting so many tubes taken out of me.



I shouldn't have tensed so much when M took out the neck line, because it made it bleed more, and being tensed made my heart pound, which made the blood come out more, which wasn't good. i should have just relaxed, but i forgot, but it really hurt, all that tape, it was like she was ripping my face off, ick.



and afterwards, and for like 3 weeks after that, i had this horrible hollow-like headache, my head felt 'tinny' like it was a tin can with not enough blood in it, and my head would pound diagonally from where the neck line was, across to the other side of my skull, and then roll around the top cranium part.



so around 7 i was with dad, just trying to recover, and i was resting and like 730pm or so, P comes bounding in. it was nice to see her, and a surprise, and she had a strange, but appropriately suited 'psychadelic' get-well card, and a very pretty potted plant.



she was scared to death of me because my sternum scar was showing and there was blood showing thru the steri-strips. i didn't know that, or i would have pulled my gown up a bit. Poor P, she was very nice though, and stayed just a few minutes, she said she had a date she was looking forward to, and she was dressed the part. i was totally on the other side, you know, the real world vs. the hospital world, so i had temporarily forgotten about dates people go on, like normal for a Friday night, or parties or socializing or friends, or driving, or anything like that, normal.



i was just scared that there wasn't enough blood in my head and i felt a little wierd and spooky after she left. i told the night nurse that, and that i was scared. i shouldn't have been scared though because they had that wireless monitor on me, and apparently it worked, because a couple days later they came to check on me when i got out of bed and my heart rate went up to 140.

JOANNAJEAN
(part VII next...)

Chapter 21: ALONE: part IV

Chapter 21:  ALONE:  part V

looking back, i don't see how i didn't faint, all of that fluid coming out of me at once, maybe because it wasn't in my central circulatory system, it was just like accessory excess fluid, that it didn't affect my blood pressure or anything.




anyway, back to subject, i wobbled to the bathroom, holding my gown so it wouldn't get more soaked and so i wouldn't trip on it. i weeble-wobbled toward the bathroom, and an aide with a mop walked in just as i reached the bathroom door.



she just looked at me, the mess, the bed, then back at me who was holding my gown in one hand and the IV pole in another hand. her eyes got real wide and she said 'what happened here!' in a voice that got high pitched at the end of her sentence, and in her southern accent. she just looked, she didn't know what to do.



i, myself, was a little aghast about the scene and in disbelief how bloody everything was. I just stood there, trying to keep my composure, and said, 'i'm ok...it's fluid from the chest tube. M just took the chest tube out of me. I had to pee.'



she never asked if i was ok. but she sure was shocked. she turned around to get G and i continued to the bathroom. I just had to pee so i didn't take long. G and the cleaning lady walked in and they mumbled amongst each other. I just stood there, helpless, what could i do or say, it wasn't my fault. I think i said, among their mumbling, 'i'm sorry,' in a weak voice...



Finally G got her nursing composure back and said, 'i'll handle it, i'll take care of it, i'll just clean it up, ok?'



so she left to get some linens and i hobbled back toward the bed. she had me sit on the chair, still dripping a little and completley naked and shaking and trembling.



i was tired, spent, and a little ashamed at the mess i had made, but there was nothing i could do, i was so tired but i sat up straight because i'd be MORE tired if i had to sit slumped.



i felt bad for G, i know she had other things to do for other patients, and i think she had been having a difficult day anyway in general, and she had to stop everything and tend to the mess i made.



but she did it, didn't complain, like a good old-fashioned nurse, did what she had to do, changed the bed linens, cleaned up the splatters on the floor, and put a new gown on me, all within a few minutes.



i still felt bad about it. we got me back in the bed with plenty of those incontinence pads on the bed this time, and she put on another dressing with a LOT of tape.



then finally i had a chance to catch my breath again, but boy was i tired. i was so tired, i was too tired to catch my breath!

JOANNAJEAN
(part VI next...)

CH6-COMPLICATIONS & CIPRO

Chapter 6; The Day His Prozac Kicked In...
Complications

Well, if you remember, I had the ANGIOGRAM on Friday, and it was not very pleasant...

So i was a 'good girl' and limited my activity on Saturday, followed the directions and doctor's orders, and all that stuff.

But on Sunday morning I began to have symptoms of a bladder infection and I started to sob. Yes, it got worse and I knew I had to go to the clinic,

on a Sunday,
yes SUPERBOWL Sunday...

I knew I had to act fast, not only because of the pain, but because of the fact there would be the nurses and doctors in the lounge watching the GAME...

So I started sobbing again,

because of the pain,
because I was generally NOT feeling well,
and knowing I'd have to bug my parents to help me get to the clinic.

All for a prescription of CIPRO which is the only thing that seems to catch these awful bladder infections I get after I get home from the hospital.

I don't know if it is the stress from being in the hospital, or the invasive procedures, or what that causes the infections, but I knew it couldn't wait until Monday.

However, wait, yes wait I did, in the WAITING ROOM when my Mom dropped me off at the clinic.

I got there at 2pm, the waiting room was 75% full, I found out the SUPERBOWL began at 4pm, I was REALLY pressing my luck...

Lots of miserable and coughing children...lots of adults in pain...you know...all that...

Had to wait a while. My mom dropped me off. Couldn't get comfortable...Was in a lot of pain, my back hurt, my legs hurt (from the angiogram still), I had a migraine coming on...It all sucked.

The doctor was nice, I was CLUTCHING the old prescription bottle from the last time I had a bladder infection, the doctor heeded it and said he would fax a prescription for CIPRO over to the pharmacy, which closes at 6pm, and it was already 5pm, HUSTLE, HUSTLE, HUSTLE!

The game had started, I could hear it in the lounge marked 'PRIVATE.'

There was a problem at the pharmacy, the doctor forgot to fax in the 2nd prescription I needed, I forget the name.

My dad was sad, or tired, or mad...i couldn't tell. But he helped me anyway, thanks dad. He even went to the pharmacy for me.

At least it wasn't raining, like on FRIDAY when he helped with the ANGIOGRAM...

Thank god for CIPRO. I knew it would work very soon. I feel better now, Monday, but CIPRO is such a powerful medication, it just drains me, so I was sad a lot today, just because life doesn't seem to be going great for me right now...

Anyway, it makes me worry about the complications that may arise with my HEART SURGERY. I wish there was a way to just 'SWITCH' off the fear and worry, like a LIGHT SWITCH, and just do the surgery.

I don't have a choice anyway, it has to be done, I just wish all the worry and pain didn't have to go with it!

Anyway, I emailed T (my husband) about all this. No answer. That too makes me sad. I miss him and am in pain, and it seems like he just doesn't care. Maybe he doesn't. Yes, having that thought makes me sad.

Until next time...

JOANNAJEAN