Chapter 31; June 30, 2010
I sent the final papers.
I signed them at 4am a few days ago. I couldn't sleep.
I felt so dizzy afterwards, i got up to get a drink of my gatorade / lemonade mix.
I was careful, but still fell and smacked my head on the wall (again) and slammed on my behind and crunched my tailbone (again).
I don't know how this happened, I was being careful, I guess just not careful enough.
The next day I stuffed the signed papers in a nice envelope and sent it to his mom like he asked.
It's just now hitting me that he is going to get the papers soon in the mail, if he hasn't already.
I was even nice enough to enclose a blank envelope, so he could get a copy mailed back.
I don't even think the signed papers were anything that was legally necessary, i think he just did it to 'appease' me.
whatever...
he's going to get the papers back.
i already got the official paper from the court.
my heart is sinking.
i asked my mom what is wrong with me.
i've been dizzy, not able to leave the house.
today i tried to walk to the corner, was too unsteady, made it halfway and came back.
there was a little life-saver.
tiny.
the little kitty my mom rescued 2 summers ago and we all took turns taking care of him, my mom, my sister, and myself.
he cheered me up with his antics and attacked my feet, i threw my extra hair bands in the air for him.
then my mom & sister rolled up in my car and my mom had some food. i guess i was hungry. i didn't know i was hungry, i'm kind of in a daze, like my mind is trying to DISTRACT itself from what is really happening.
the path of my life that i have envisioned is veering off course.
i am alone.
i think i have decided what i am going to do.
go back to the little kids, so i can get out of the house.
it was easy, the kids made me happy, or like i was contributing something.
i haven't been able to eat today.
i was really sick last night.
my tailbone hurts.
the doctor's office called and said that the spine dr i saw lastweek looked again at my xray from my LAST couple falls a couple weeks ago, and wants to get an MRI just to be careful.
when i left his office last week, he said there wasn't cause for concern because i was not having pain.
besides, what can u really do for a broken tailbone?
didn't really study that in school.
anyway, i asked my mom what the problem was - being dizzy, falling, can't eat, nausea - she just said point-blank - it's a BROKEN HEART.
i thought last week...
ok, my heart's broken, it can't get broken into any more pieces, right?
wrong...it's like a book i read a long time ago, the character, a drow, was stuck in a hell where they torture you just until you are about to die...then they let you live and let you build up again...just to torture you again until you are just about to die...this goes on for eternity. yeah, it kind of is like that.
my mom must understand, she seems to understand.
she says i have a broken heart.
he didn't have to do that.
he chose the thrill of other women and jumping out of airplanes and partying until 4am (i'm assuming), over having a wife who truly loves him and wants to start a family. i wasn't good enough anymore for him.
maybe it's a plague that occurs in orange county...you have to be 'good enough' to succeed.
i think that's bull, but he chose money and success over love. even if my heart and body is cracked, broken, scarred, and damaged, it's still a body that loves him, my mind is good.
why wasn't that good enough for him?
i get physical heart pain too.
in the hospital, dr s tugged out the pacemaker lead wires that were stuck directly into my heart, so in case my heart stopped, they could hook up the machines to the leads in my chest and 'jumpstart my heart'
(ha, there's a motely crue song named that, my brother and i used to use it when we were lifting weights with arnold and lee's weider workout system, ha ha)
anyway, the first lead came out ok. there was a 2nd lead on the more left lateral side of my heart that was really stuck in there. i could feel my heart muscle tugging against the lead. it completely freaked me out, and dr s was frustrated, so i could tell it was not a good thing.
he finally got it out, but my point is that i know the physical heart pain, and yes, this divorce pain causes that physical heart pain. i explained this to dr s and for some reason he couldn't look at me. i think he understood, maybe it happened to him, who knows.
i don't want to be alone.
he didn't have to do this.
it's wrong, things are not supposed to be this way.
i'm in a lot of pain.
i cannot sleep, i cannot eat.
i am tired, but cannot sleep.
i sleep with my diamond ring in my hand.
i don't want to lose all hope.
he shouldn't have done this.
i am sad.
it's not fair.
life hurts too much.
i guess that's my update.
LOVE, JOANNA
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
ch19: another note on the divorce...broken vows...
chapter19; aversion....broken vows
another note on the divorce.....
it's 330am and i cannot sleep.
i am scared because any day now the divorce is going to be final and i will for real be all alone in my life.
that's how i feel. when that paper comes in the mail or i get that email, i'll be DEVASTATED...
T was / is the only man i've loved, the only man i've ever wanted to love, and the only man I ever want to love, and i feel that when the divorce is final, that'll be it...i'll be devastated and just be nothing,
i'll feel dissolved and alone...
i'll have no motivation for anything and i feel like i'll never be happy about anything really, ever again.
i'm already starting to feel like that. and i don't think i'll be able to handle it...it's just not fair...
aversion...i don't like that word, i think it is unfair...there was one more point i wanted to make,
T, i don't think i will be very enthusiastic about this life if i don't get to live it with you.
life had color and meaning when i was with you...
and goals meant something to me when i had them to share with you...
we've been apart over 2 years, i still dream about u every night and usually wake up crying because u r not there next to me, like u used to be
and i'm still sad i don't get to hold your hand and i don't get to say 'i love you' and get to hear you say it back...
with a failed marriage, i think i will always be sad.
this isn't like a suicide thing, i just know that my life will never be as happy as it was with you, T. i don't think you realize how much you meant to me, every minute of every day...
i've lived 33 years and even though i haven't been through everything there is to go through, i'd say i'd had more than my fair share, and i was able to get through it, and go forward, knowing you'd be at my side, no-matter what,
now that that belief has been shattered, never in a million years, did i think you'd leave...i trusted that we'd be together no matter what...
i don't believe my life will ever have the happiness and color that it did when i knew u loved me as a wife, and that out of all the girls you could have chosen, you picked me...
that always meant the world to me....
that's just how i feel and i pray you might still change your mind, but i know you won't and my heart will always be broken.
i just had to mention that, and that i'm still sad.
p.s. i still look at my engagement diamond ring and golden wedding ring every day (now that i have it...) and i've just about gained enough weight now (i lost so much during the surgery and weeks afterwards), that it almost fits again...
it fits on my finger just like the day you proposed to me, and the day we got married and you put the wedding band on my finger and we said our VOWS...
they both fit now...that is sad to me...i always wanted to wear them every day we were married, but i know they would have fallen off or got misplaced or something when i washed my hands or something.
the point is, they fit now, my wedding rings fit....
there was something else i wanted to say, but i forget...i love you, T.
Please don't leave me, don't divorce me, please???
JOANNAJEAN
another note on the divorce.....
it's 330am and i cannot sleep.
i am scared because any day now the divorce is going to be final and i will for real be all alone in my life.
that's how i feel. when that paper comes in the mail or i get that email, i'll be DEVASTATED...
T was / is the only man i've loved, the only man i've ever wanted to love, and the only man I ever want to love, and i feel that when the divorce is final, that'll be it...i'll be devastated and just be nothing,
i'll feel dissolved and alone...
i'll have no motivation for anything and i feel like i'll never be happy about anything really, ever again.
i'm already starting to feel like that. and i don't think i'll be able to handle it...it's just not fair...
aversion...i don't like that word, i think it is unfair...there was one more point i wanted to make,
T, i don't think i will be very enthusiastic about this life if i don't get to live it with you.
life had color and meaning when i was with you...
and goals meant something to me when i had them to share with you...
we've been apart over 2 years, i still dream about u every night and usually wake up crying because u r not there next to me, like u used to be
and i'm still sad i don't get to hold your hand and i don't get to say 'i love you' and get to hear you say it back...
with a failed marriage, i think i will always be sad.
this isn't like a suicide thing, i just know that my life will never be as happy as it was with you, T. i don't think you realize how much you meant to me, every minute of every day...
i've lived 33 years and even though i haven't been through everything there is to go through, i'd say i'd had more than my fair share, and i was able to get through it, and go forward, knowing you'd be at my side, no-matter what,
now that that belief has been shattered, never in a million years, did i think you'd leave...i trusted that we'd be together no matter what...
i don't believe my life will ever have the happiness and color that it did when i knew u loved me as a wife, and that out of all the girls you could have chosen, you picked me...
that always meant the world to me....
that's just how i feel and i pray you might still change your mind, but i know you won't and my heart will always be broken.
i just had to mention that, and that i'm still sad.
p.s. i still look at my engagement diamond ring and golden wedding ring every day (now that i have it...) and i've just about gained enough weight now (i lost so much during the surgery and weeks afterwards), that it almost fits again...
it fits on my finger just like the day you proposed to me, and the day we got married and you put the wedding band on my finger and we said our VOWS...
they both fit now...that is sad to me...i always wanted to wear them every day we were married, but i know they would have fallen off or got misplaced or something when i washed my hands or something.
the point is, they fit now, my wedding rings fit....
there was something else i wanted to say, but i forget...i love you, T.
Please don't leave me, don't divorce me, please???
JOANNAJEAN
Friday, April 9, 2010
CHAPTER 18; WHEN WILL THINGS GET BETTER?
Chapter 18: When will things get better?
Just a general update for my blog.
1. Why can't I seem to get anyone to read my blog? I'm sure it's interesting enough. I'm not a 'romance novelist' like in "Romancing the Stone," so I don't have that kind of 'interesting...'
2. I am overwhelmingly SAD because T finally sent in the FINAL papers so the DIVORCE is going to be FINAL any day now...I have SO many feelings about that, that I shouldn't even start...what am I going to do? I'm all alone in the world now, and sad...
3. I am 40 days (or so) post-op from my open heart surgery, and I feel I'm at a stand-still. At first I blamed the fact that the final divorce papers were sent in and that I was depressed, but now I think that is just part of the recipe.
4. Surgery: (continued) Like with the kyphoplasty I had, the 'literature' says, within six to eight weeks, you should be back to normal, me no. I'm still sleeping a lot, and I'm still having CONSTANT pain.
The pain is better, by better I mean less, but maybe because it's still there, ALL THE TIME, it's WEARING ME DOWN.
5. I feel cooped up. I want to drive and go out to eat (I've been living on grilled-cheese sandwiches, which is fine for now), but I wanted to be well enough to go out to eat too. But driving still hurts like HE'double hockey sticks' (I remember Vera from the show 'Alice' used to say that...LOL). So I have to wait on that too.
6. I don't know what to do next with my life...teach? i love to teach, but what? go to school for a k-12 credential? go to CSULB for the single subject science credential? try to get a job for a city college?
My dear friend Anna says go for a P.A. I feel lost and sad, because I wanted to resume being a WIFE, and of course, I still feel bad failing as a physician...
7. I feel bad for TinyBear, our grey kitty. He got attacked 2 weeks ago by another cat and the injury is on the base of his tail and it won't heal. He's an active kitty who wants to jump walls and chase grasshoppers, but that's not good for a tail that is trying to heal. Poor kitty.
8. I've just been generally sad lately, maybe I feel like TinyBear, wanting to (metaphorically) chase grasshoppers, but my body won't let me. I hope you 'get' that.
I want to do things, but I'm limited by the healing my body still has to do.
9. Lately, I can tell my heart muscle itself hurts and is trying to heal.
I stretch my left arm to turn on the light and the area just left of my incision suddenly gets a sharp, tearing, stinging, biting-type pain. OUCH!
Then it takes over an hour of being very still in bed and of course a pain pill for the hurt to dissipate...
10. Mostly, my sadness is because of T. And, he won't let me see him or talk to him on the phone.
He even threatened to change his phone number or tell the court that I am 'harassing' him (which I don't believe - 3 phone messages over 2 weeks I don't believe is harassment...).
11. I am upset about Medicare. I want to keep my doctors, most whom I've known for over 20 years, and Medicaid doesn't cover them. I am going to have to rely on cobra coverage somehow until I can get the coverage I want and can afford to keep.
12. I am feeling worthless because I am not making any income. So I've been falling for some of these 'make $ at home scams' and they don't seem to be working...
That's enough griping for now I think. Mostly I'm upset about T, the divorce, being lonely, and still hurting, after well a month from the surgery date...and I'm still having spontaneous anxiety which is unsettling.....
JOANNAJEAN
Just a general update for my blog.
1. Why can't I seem to get anyone to read my blog? I'm sure it's interesting enough. I'm not a 'romance novelist' like in "Romancing the Stone," so I don't have that kind of 'interesting...'
2. I am overwhelmingly SAD because T finally sent in the FINAL papers so the DIVORCE is going to be FINAL any day now...I have SO many feelings about that, that I shouldn't even start...what am I going to do? I'm all alone in the world now, and sad...
3. I am 40 days (or so) post-op from my open heart surgery, and I feel I'm at a stand-still. At first I blamed the fact that the final divorce papers were sent in and that I was depressed, but now I think that is just part of the recipe.
4. Surgery: (continued) Like with the kyphoplasty I had, the 'literature' says, within six to eight weeks, you should be back to normal, me no. I'm still sleeping a lot, and I'm still having CONSTANT pain.
The pain is better, by better I mean less, but maybe because it's still there, ALL THE TIME, it's WEARING ME DOWN.
5. I feel cooped up. I want to drive and go out to eat (I've been living on grilled-cheese sandwiches, which is fine for now), but I wanted to be well enough to go out to eat too. But driving still hurts like HE'double hockey sticks' (I remember Vera from the show 'Alice' used to say that...LOL). So I have to wait on that too.
6. I don't know what to do next with my life...teach? i love to teach, but what? go to school for a k-12 credential? go to CSULB for the single subject science credential? try to get a job for a city college?
My dear friend Anna says go for a P.A. I feel lost and sad, because I wanted to resume being a WIFE, and of course, I still feel bad failing as a physician...
7. I feel bad for TinyBear, our grey kitty. He got attacked 2 weeks ago by another cat and the injury is on the base of his tail and it won't heal. He's an active kitty who wants to jump walls and chase grasshoppers, but that's not good for a tail that is trying to heal. Poor kitty.
8. I've just been generally sad lately, maybe I feel like TinyBear, wanting to (metaphorically) chase grasshoppers, but my body won't let me. I hope you 'get' that.
I want to do things, but I'm limited by the healing my body still has to do.
9. Lately, I can tell my heart muscle itself hurts and is trying to heal.
I stretch my left arm to turn on the light and the area just left of my incision suddenly gets a sharp, tearing, stinging, biting-type pain. OUCH!
Then it takes over an hour of being very still in bed and of course a pain pill for the hurt to dissipate...
10. Mostly, my sadness is because of T. And, he won't let me see him or talk to him on the phone.
He even threatened to change his phone number or tell the court that I am 'harassing' him (which I don't believe - 3 phone messages over 2 weeks I don't believe is harassment...).
11. I am upset about Medicare. I want to keep my doctors, most whom I've known for over 20 years, and Medicaid doesn't cover them. I am going to have to rely on cobra coverage somehow until I can get the coverage I want and can afford to keep.
12. I am feeling worthless because I am not making any income. So I've been falling for some of these 'make $ at home scams' and they don't seem to be working...
That's enough griping for now I think. Mostly I'm upset about T, the divorce, being lonely, and still hurting, after well a month from the surgery date...and I'm still having spontaneous anxiety which is unsettling.....
JOANNAJEAN
Monday, February 1, 2010
THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN; CHAPTER 1
Hello Bloggers and fellow readers...
CHAPTER 1:
I have a very detailed SUMMARY INTRODUCTION to my blog. I think you will find it very interesting, and I hope that not only will you read it and use my entries to add to your own life, but i also hope that you will use YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCES to add to my life experiences and life philosophies...
FIRST, let me just briefly explain what my title means...
THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN...
Well, basically, my blog is a JOURNAL OR PERSONAL DIARY of things that have happened to me, things that DO happen to me on a daily basis, QUESTIONS i have about life, and PHILOSOPHIES of life i have recieved by observation and other important people in my life...
I first wanted to title my BLOG, "IT SUCKS TO BE ME..." but i figured that would be too negative...so i thought my 2nd choice;
THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN...
would spark a little more interest in what my blog is all about. So I look forward to writing my blog, and i'll write in a short list a few things i will write about, i guess i'll partition my 'journal' or 'BLOG ENTRIES' into CHAPTERS;
This is CHAPTER 1; INTRODUCTION TO 'THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN..." summary and introduction.
Basically, so you know a little about me,
I am going through a DIVORCE;
I am 33 YEARS OLD
I am NOT HANDLING THE DIVORCE WELL AT ALL...
It has been 2 YEARS since the DIVORCE PROCESS has all started...
but, of course, that's not all there is about me...
ADDITIONALLY;
I have really bad HEALTH PROBLEMS;
including; CROHN'S, OSTEOPOROSIS, MAJOR DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, MIGRAINES, and of course, several more, of which i didn't list at this time... all of these health problems have caused me several, several other problems, and major complications including (from most recent on...)
CARDIAC PROBLEMS, including AORTIC VALVE INSUFFICIENCY (SEVERE), AORTIC ANEURYSM (SEVERE), BROKEN HIP (HIP REPLACEMENT SURGERY just a few months ago in November, 2009), CATARACTS, KYPHOPLASTY surgery (for the broken vertebrae), ADRENAL INSUFFICIENCY, and...
I have OPEN HEART SURGERY coming up, which is my most current major concern, and i'm really scared because the surgeon said there is a 10% chance of not even surviving the operation! Boy, that threw my Mom and I for a loop...I guess that'll be a separate 'CHAPTER' in my blog...
Anyway...to get back to my summary...I have to take so many MEDICATIONS, that it really is hard to keep track of taking them every day, and of course they all cause side effects...
LASTLY, in summary, I was 99.9% done with MEDICAL SCHOOL and was all set up to start an internship in FAMILY MEDICINE. I had this DREAM since I was 15 years old, and i actually had jumped through all the hoops and got the grades at UCLA for undergrad, and everything seemed to work out until the cursed COMLEX 2CE.
It should have been easy enough...with over a 90% nationwide pass rate, but i took that darn test 7 times and didn't pass.
I guess I could have named my blog, 'SHATTERED DREAMS' but it seems sort of cliche, so i went with something that i thought would 'stand out' more...
So you can kind of see a pattern...FAILURE of COMLEX, FAILURE of marriage, we had to have a BANKRUPTCY (which made the marriage even more shaky), and then there was a downfall for me from there on, a 'slippery slope' you could say...
things kept getting worse HEALTHWISE, EMPLOYMENT-WISE, MARRIAGE-WISE, SELF-ESTEEM-WISE,
my DEPRESSION worsened, my HUSBAND left me,
and his life seemed to get BETTER AND BETTER in all ways possible since he left me, which made me feel worse...
But that's just what has happened in the past couple years. I have a lot of chapters other than that...
And I chose not to title my blog "IT SUCKS TO BE ME..." because i didn't want people to think i was just a boring pessimist, i have a lot of optimism in me as well...but those are other chapters...
So I guess that will wrap up
CHAPTER 1 of "THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN..."
signed;
JOANNAJEAN
P.S. I guess it wouldn't be fair if i didn't explain the reasoning behind naming my blog
"THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN..."
Well...the day my husband's PROZAC kicked in, he realized how depressed he really was, which he blamed on me, and this whole 'slippery slope' thing really began, although, at that time i was in MAJOR DENIAL (well, i believe i STILL AM in a lot of DENIAL...)
and, unfortunately, I believe it was basically the day he decided to leave me, which is why this title is so important to me...
this day was well over 2 years ago.
I'm still in love with him, and have a secret hope (well...I guess NOT so secret) that he still loves me, but he resents me for him getting depressed to the point where he had to go on Prozac in the first place...
I think that explains my reasoning for naming my blog. I have a lot to learn, so bear with me, but i hope my stories will be interesting to you.
And to hold you over to CHAPTER 2, which I haven't named yet,
I'll tell you, that I really did enjoy MEDICAL SCHOOL, and if there is one very important lesson i learned in medical school is that
EVERYONE'S LIFE IS DIFFICULT FOR THEM;
and i'm sure that you will agree with me...
that includes EVERYONE i've encountered...surgeons, surgeon's daughters, medical students, medical students' spouses (duh!), and of course PATIENTS, and other health-care providers, and PARENTS, and KIDS, and TEACHERS, and PROFESSORS, and just plain EVERYONE.
Lastly, EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL, and i hope people will contribute to my blog by sharing snippets of their lives, so that others can read them and learn from them...
Thanks for reading, I hope this turns out to be a helpful and successful BLOG for everyone that reads and contributes...
Take care,
JOANNAJEAN
CHAPTER 1:
I have a very detailed SUMMARY INTRODUCTION to my blog. I think you will find it very interesting, and I hope that not only will you read it and use my entries to add to your own life, but i also hope that you will use YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCES to add to my life experiences and life philosophies...
FIRST, let me just briefly explain what my title means...
THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN...
Well, basically, my blog is a JOURNAL OR PERSONAL DIARY of things that have happened to me, things that DO happen to me on a daily basis, QUESTIONS i have about life, and PHILOSOPHIES of life i have recieved by observation and other important people in my life...
I first wanted to title my BLOG, "IT SUCKS TO BE ME..." but i figured that would be too negative...so i thought my 2nd choice;
THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN...
would spark a little more interest in what my blog is all about. So I look forward to writing my blog, and i'll write in a short list a few things i will write about, i guess i'll partition my 'journal' or 'BLOG ENTRIES' into CHAPTERS;
This is CHAPTER 1; INTRODUCTION TO 'THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN..." summary and introduction.
Basically, so you know a little about me,
I am going through a DIVORCE;
I am 33 YEARS OLD
I am NOT HANDLING THE DIVORCE WELL AT ALL...
It has been 2 YEARS since the DIVORCE PROCESS has all started...
but, of course, that's not all there is about me...
ADDITIONALLY;
I have really bad HEALTH PROBLEMS;
including; CROHN'S, OSTEOPOROSIS, MAJOR DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, MIGRAINES, and of course, several more, of which i didn't list at this time... all of these health problems have caused me several, several other problems, and major complications including (from most recent on...)
CARDIAC PROBLEMS, including AORTIC VALVE INSUFFICIENCY (SEVERE), AORTIC ANEURYSM (SEVERE), BROKEN HIP (HIP REPLACEMENT SURGERY just a few months ago in November, 2009), CATARACTS, KYPHOPLASTY surgery (for the broken vertebrae), ADRENAL INSUFFICIENCY, and...
I have OPEN HEART SURGERY coming up, which is my most current major concern, and i'm really scared because the surgeon said there is a 10% chance of not even surviving the operation! Boy, that threw my Mom and I for a loop...I guess that'll be a separate 'CHAPTER' in my blog...
Anyway...to get back to my summary...I have to take so many MEDICATIONS, that it really is hard to keep track of taking them every day, and of course they all cause side effects...
LASTLY, in summary, I was 99.9% done with MEDICAL SCHOOL and was all set up to start an internship in FAMILY MEDICINE. I had this DREAM since I was 15 years old, and i actually had jumped through all the hoops and got the grades at UCLA for undergrad, and everything seemed to work out until the cursed COMLEX 2CE.
It should have been easy enough...with over a 90% nationwide pass rate, but i took that darn test 7 times and didn't pass.
I guess I could have named my blog, 'SHATTERED DREAMS' but it seems sort of cliche, so i went with something that i thought would 'stand out' more...
So you can kind of see a pattern...FAILURE of COMLEX, FAILURE of marriage, we had to have a BANKRUPTCY (which made the marriage even more shaky), and then there was a downfall for me from there on, a 'slippery slope' you could say...
things kept getting worse HEALTHWISE, EMPLOYMENT-WISE, MARRIAGE-WISE, SELF-ESTEEM-WISE,
my DEPRESSION worsened, my HUSBAND left me,
and his life seemed to get BETTER AND BETTER in all ways possible since he left me, which made me feel worse...
But that's just what has happened in the past couple years. I have a lot of chapters other than that...
And I chose not to title my blog "IT SUCKS TO BE ME..." because i didn't want people to think i was just a boring pessimist, i have a lot of optimism in me as well...but those are other chapters...
So I guess that will wrap up
CHAPTER 1 of "THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN..."
signed;
JOANNAJEAN
P.S. I guess it wouldn't be fair if i didn't explain the reasoning behind naming my blog
"THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN..."
Well...the day my husband's PROZAC kicked in, he realized how depressed he really was, which he blamed on me, and this whole 'slippery slope' thing really began, although, at that time i was in MAJOR DENIAL (well, i believe i STILL AM in a lot of DENIAL...)
and, unfortunately, I believe it was basically the day he decided to leave me, which is why this title is so important to me...
this day was well over 2 years ago.
I'm still in love with him, and have a secret hope (well...I guess NOT so secret) that he still loves me, but he resents me for him getting depressed to the point where he had to go on Prozac in the first place...
I think that explains my reasoning for naming my blog. I have a lot to learn, so bear with me, but i hope my stories will be interesting to you.
And to hold you over to CHAPTER 2, which I haven't named yet,
I'll tell you, that I really did enjoy MEDICAL SCHOOL, and if there is one very important lesson i learned in medical school is that
EVERYONE'S LIFE IS DIFFICULT FOR THEM;
and i'm sure that you will agree with me...
that includes EVERYONE i've encountered...surgeons, surgeon's daughters, medical students, medical students' spouses (duh!), and of course PATIENTS, and other health-care providers, and PARENTS, and KIDS, and TEACHERS, and PROFESSORS, and just plain EVERYONE.
Lastly, EVERYONE HAS A STORY TO TELL, and i hope people will contribute to my blog by sharing snippets of their lives, so that others can read them and learn from them...
Thanks for reading, I hope this turns out to be a helpful and successful BLOG for everyone that reads and contributes...
Take care,
JOANNAJEAN
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