Chapter 21: part VII (ending)

Chapter 21; ALONE; part VII (ending)

anyway, so like 745pm or so i tried to rest and i was afraid i'd die, so i asked dad to just stay there for awhile and make sure i didn't die. he just nodded and sat there. i told him he could go, just check on me before he left. i let myself go, and it felt wierd, because you know how in cartoons and stuff, how they show dead people with their tongues hanging out? well, that's how i felt, i was so spent, that i thought i was going to die because i could feel my tongue like it was falling out of my mouth like i was a dead woman. totally freaked the hell out of me, and i think i even told my dad...




anyway, i slept and had a totally psychadelic trippy dream. when i woke up, it was only 9pm and this voice in the wall (the intercom), he said 'Joanna, sweetie, are you alright?' it was nice of him to be so kind, he had a very purry, comforting voice. I told him, 'yeah, i just have to pee, i'm ok.' my dad must have told them i was scared and to check on me.



i think that night, it was J who took care of me, i think. i had that headache and was scared to go to sleep. but she told me she'd check on me in an hour, and somehow that comforted me, and i was able to drift off.



that psychadelic dream i had though, ew, it was wierd and freaky. it revolved around the clicks and whirling sound that the IV was making, that and my headache, and i was hot and uncomfortable.



the dream was about underground compartments that everyone's soul or spirit is trapped in. and this spirit you have has only one chance in it's life, or in it's eternity to 'snap' one picture, and one picture only...so you have to watch and wait for the perfect snapshot, because once you take it, that's YOUR picture, your mark on eternity, and that's IT, your gone, your dead, vanished.



So i followed all these people during this dream and their 'snapshots.' I remember, in particular, JP. He had a beautiful snapshot, it was curvy and a little swirly, it was a large marble, with the blue and greenish swirls within the marble, i know you've seen those type of marbles, and it was bright, like acrylic paints or a mosaic, like stained glass, that type of brightness and color, and this orb was contained in a, kind of like an old-fashioned wooden house-shaped watering well, very pretty, i could probably paint or draw it, and it's sitting on a green, grassy little hill, and it's lit somehow from the side so all the colors show, but there's a hint of a shadow too. and there's a little bit of a blue backround, lighter blue at the bottom, and getting darker blue toward the top, and nearly black at the very top. i can picture it.



lots of the innocent and young people who got to take 'snapshots' were similar, but with hues of pink, and swirls of yellow-orange. i think there was one for my dad, but i don't really remember it...but the one for JP was very vivid, i think because he has blue eyes.



If there was one for T it was yellow, a stark yellow with a bite - a contrasting stripe of orange running right through the middle, like an unsymettrical corkscrew, even like an umbilical cord, strange enough, very strong and distinct, absolute - if that's the right word...



strange, maybe eyes are gates to someone's soul, even though T doesn't have yellow eyes, he definately has a strong, undenying, and definitive spirit...



anyway, i don't think i had a snapshot for myself, i was kind of like witnessing the snapshots of other people, even strangers, but the 'snap' corresponded, i realized when i woke up, to the 'snap' that the IV made when it switched from the vancomycin to the normal saline. isn't that strange?



and then the whirring of the pump was like the 'roller coaster' i felt like i was on while i was watching the snapshots, cool, huh? i would definately say that was a 'trip,' but i wasn't really on any mind-altering drugs, it was more like a loss of blood and trauma that caused the dream. but boy, it was hard to sleep that night, i had bad muscle spasms in my head, neck, and all down my back too. ick.



i wish i could remember the snapshot i had for myself, i think there was some brilliant red in it, i think for sure there was some red, i think like sunrise or sunset colors too, kinda smudged in there.



anyway, i had been wanting to write that for awhile now, it was a very difficult day, that friday. i had been so uncomfortable with the bed and the diet and the muscle spasms and them not treating my anxiety, those are some of the reasons i had to leave on sunday, i just had to get out of there!



JOANNAJEAN

(end)

CH6-COMPLICATIONS & CIPRO

Chapter 6; The Day His Prozac Kicked In...
Complications

Well, if you remember, I had the ANGIOGRAM on Friday, and it was not very pleasant...

So i was a 'good girl' and limited my activity on Saturday, followed the directions and doctor's orders, and all that stuff.

But on Sunday morning I began to have symptoms of a bladder infection and I started to sob. Yes, it got worse and I knew I had to go to the clinic,

on a Sunday,
yes SUPERBOWL Sunday...

I knew I had to act fast, not only because of the pain, but because of the fact there would be the nurses and doctors in the lounge watching the GAME...

So I started sobbing again,

because of the pain,
because I was generally NOT feeling well,
and knowing I'd have to bug my parents to help me get to the clinic.

All for a prescription of CIPRO which is the only thing that seems to catch these awful bladder infections I get after I get home from the hospital.

I don't know if it is the stress from being in the hospital, or the invasive procedures, or what that causes the infections, but I knew it couldn't wait until Monday.

However, wait, yes wait I did, in the WAITING ROOM when my Mom dropped me off at the clinic.

I got there at 2pm, the waiting room was 75% full, I found out the SUPERBOWL began at 4pm, I was REALLY pressing my luck...

Lots of miserable and coughing children...lots of adults in pain...you know...all that...

Had to wait a while. My mom dropped me off. Couldn't get comfortable...Was in a lot of pain, my back hurt, my legs hurt (from the angiogram still), I had a migraine coming on...It all sucked.

The doctor was nice, I was CLUTCHING the old prescription bottle from the last time I had a bladder infection, the doctor heeded it and said he would fax a prescription for CIPRO over to the pharmacy, which closes at 6pm, and it was already 5pm, HUSTLE, HUSTLE, HUSTLE!

The game had started, I could hear it in the lounge marked 'PRIVATE.'

There was a problem at the pharmacy, the doctor forgot to fax in the 2nd prescription I needed, I forget the name.

My dad was sad, or tired, or mad...i couldn't tell. But he helped me anyway, thanks dad. He even went to the pharmacy for me.

At least it wasn't raining, like on FRIDAY when he helped with the ANGIOGRAM...

Thank god for CIPRO. I knew it would work very soon. I feel better now, Monday, but CIPRO is such a powerful medication, it just drains me, so I was sad a lot today, just because life doesn't seem to be going great for me right now...

Anyway, it makes me worry about the complications that may arise with my HEART SURGERY. I wish there was a way to just 'SWITCH' off the fear and worry, like a LIGHT SWITCH, and just do the surgery.

I don't have a choice anyway, it has to be done, I just wish all the worry and pain didn't have to go with it!

Anyway, I emailed T (my husband) about all this. No answer. That too makes me sad. I miss him and am in pain, and it seems like he just doesn't care. Maybe he doesn't. Yes, having that thought makes me sad.

Until next time...

JOANNAJEAN

CH5; ANGIOGRAM

CHAPTER 5; THE DAY HIS PROZAC KICKED IN...
ANGIOGRAM

Today, well, yesterday, I had the CARDIAC ANGIOGRAM. It was about how I expected. I was GRUMPY and didn't want to go. It was RAINING and COLD, but my DAD was a good sport and took me...

The prepped me and did the IV and all the PAPERWORK...I was HUNGRY and WEAK and COLD (I was NPO, that's why i was hungry).

The CARDIOLOGIST was over a half hour late (but it was POURING...so i guess he got caught up in rain...) and the calming medicine, VERSED they gave me DIDN'T WORK AT ALL! I wish they would have just put me out, that was the WORST. They said I was 'resistant' because of all the PAIN MEDS i take, but i wish i could have been more groggy...

It took a good 45 minutes or so. Mayo Clinic had a good link, I'll share with you later, on what to expect. The 'FLUSHING' from the idea didn't hurt, but it still FREAKED me out. The LIDOCAINE shot in the femoral artery HURT A LOT, that sucked too.

Seemed to me they were in a hurry, which freaked me out too, but maybe that's how they do things...

They were done, I was afraid to MOVE and afraid to CRY for fear i'd mess something up since they had wires in my heart.

Anyway, afterwards, they put a LOT of pressure on the artery PUNCTURE site for 10 minutes and wheeled me to 'SHORT STAY.'

but as soon as i got there they found my pressure dressing was SOAKED with blood and, I couldn't see, but there was a huge puffy HEMATOMA there too. I couldn't see it, but i asked my dad later:

'they seemed really freaked out about the blood, how much was there?'

he said, 'all 4 gauze pads were soaked and it got on your legs, the gown, the bed, and the pillow,' boy, i guess that is a lot of blood.

so they put a huge 10 pound sandbag on it for 2 hours and there was no more bleeding and i rested and had a hospital turkey sandwich and rested some more.

my dad was real nice to stay there with me the whole time. i got to go home at 630pm but it was COLD and POURING rain!

got to go home, thank goodness. ate a little, went to bed. got up a little later to put on my nightshirt and started crying.

my dad found me crying and asked what was wrong...

i sobbed 'i didn't know it would hurt this much!...' because i was limping on the right leg where they did the ANGIOGRAM, but putting too much weight on the leg where they did the HIP REPLACEMENT, so i was HURTING A LOT!

so i decided to just take an AMBIEN an just try to go to bed and yeah, i feel better this morning, but i have a bruise the SIZE OF DELAWARE! I hope it will be ok.

NOT SOMETHING I'D EVER WANT TO DO AGAIN...

signed;
JOANNAJEAN

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/coronary-angiogram/MY00541/DSECTION=what-you-can-expect,

**The link above is a good resource on what to expect during an cardiac angiogram, however, take into consideration that every individual's experience is difference