chapter 21; part VI

Chapter 21; ALONE; part VI

finally after about like 20 minutes, when everything was calmed down and cleaned up and G had left, my dad walked in, and i was like, 'where the hell have you been! do you KNOW what i just went through!' well, i said that fleetingly in my head and just choked as i told him, 'dad, i stood up and HALF MY BODY FELL OUT OF ME..' i told him this in a weak voice and he didn't hear me. he said, 'huh?' and i took a breath and repeated, 'dad,' and took another breath, 'they took out the tube, and i stood up and all this fluid came out, it was like half of my body fell to the floor.' he just looked at me as to say again, 'huh?' He looked at me dumbly, then looked around - everything looked fine - and he said, 'hmm,' and sat down. he had no idea, and i was too tired to explain further.




i had already been through enough that afternoon. the chest tube coming out, then getting cleaned up. before that, G had brilliantly put in an IV in my left forearm so that the neck IV could be removed later.



also, i had had a strange call from JP earlier where he seemed to have no clue in the universe what the hell i was talking about, he just kept saying, 'yeah, well, i understand that...yeah, hmm.' i tried to explain how wrong it all was, but he either wasn't listening or didn't get it or was on something, so i just hung up the phone and shook my head, it wasn't worth trying to get him to get it.



so, yes, the rest of that friday was extremely traumatic, but at least my dad was there to kind of help me through it. M took the neck line out of me just before the end of shift. G was scared of me at that point and was avoiding us.



Then, to cause more angst... at the end of the day, we were all exhausted, and in comes the nutritionist to give us a delightful discussion about the wonderful cardiac diet, and to LECTURE me about the fact that i haven't eaten and dietary will take special measures to make sure i get something i can eat. my dad and i were so tired at that point, we didn't want any lectures about diet or what i should or shouldn't be eating. i think we were a little rude to her, and i swear she was in my high school class, but we were just so tired...



dad stayed with me, tried to get me to eat some dinner, i think he helped me eat a little of it. my taste was all off after getting so many tubes taken out of me.



I shouldn't have tensed so much when M took out the neck line, because it made it bleed more, and being tensed made my heart pound, which made the blood come out more, which wasn't good. i should have just relaxed, but i forgot, but it really hurt, all that tape, it was like she was ripping my face off, ick.



and afterwards, and for like 3 weeks after that, i had this horrible hollow-like headache, my head felt 'tinny' like it was a tin can with not enough blood in it, and my head would pound diagonally from where the neck line was, across to the other side of my skull, and then roll around the top cranium part.



so around 7 i was with dad, just trying to recover, and i was resting and like 730pm or so, P comes bounding in. it was nice to see her, and a surprise, and she had a strange, but appropriately suited 'psychadelic' get-well card, and a very pretty potted plant.



she was scared to death of me because my sternum scar was showing and there was blood showing thru the steri-strips. i didn't know that, or i would have pulled my gown up a bit. Poor P, she was very nice though, and stayed just a few minutes, she said she had a date she was looking forward to, and she was dressed the part. i was totally on the other side, you know, the real world vs. the hospital world, so i had temporarily forgotten about dates people go on, like normal for a Friday night, or parties or socializing or friends, or driving, or anything like that, normal.



i was just scared that there wasn't enough blood in my head and i felt a little wierd and spooky after she left. i told the night nurse that, and that i was scared. i shouldn't have been scared though because they had that wireless monitor on me, and apparently it worked, because a couple days later they came to check on me when i got out of bed and my heart rate went up to 140.

JOANNAJEAN
(part VII next...)

ch21:ALONE;partII

Ch21;continued;part2;

this was the CHEST TUBE, that hadn't been in long, but it WAS driving me crazy, it was making me neurotic, i was always checking it to make sure it was not clotted, and i was afraid to lay in the bed, thinking fluid would pool up in the bottom of my lungs...strange though, it didn't hurt - at all - but still, i knew i'd feel better when it was out, i'd feel a little more normal and less jittery and anxious.




yes, it WAS their voices i heard, but it wasn't ME on their list, not until about 2pm or so, and the spaghetti had gotten cold anyway, too bad too, because i WAS hungry and i could have gotten away with eating....anyway



M eventually came in, smiling and being good - bed-side manner-wise - and the nurse came in too, i have to give her credit, G I'll call her, i didn't trust her at all when i first met G, but she ended up doing a REALLY good job that day...so thank goodness for her...



ok, so M said she'd get the chest tube out of me. 'good!' i thought to myself. i was nervous, but i trust M, i know she'd do a good job, she was there that night when Dr. A had to put it in, oooh (shivers....)



so i rolled to the side and talked to them. 'i'm nervous,' i said, i was even shaking a little, trembling even. 'i want to make sure everything's sterile and everything...' M and G, they were kind and reassuring and M said, 'remember how to do this? take a deep breath IN, then blow out...'



i told her yes, but asked M to do it with me, and she was kind and she did, she breathed in, and breathed out with me as she pulled the thing out of me. I was relieved. It didn't hurt, but still, i said, 'GOSH, it's like pulling a snake out of me!' M just smiled, and G did too - she was busy holding me to the side so couldn't really do much more than that.



then M put a good, sturdy bandage over it. then she explained, in her thick, but kind accent, 'now, you might expect a little drainage from that wound. but that's ok, you'd want that stuff OUT of you instead of IN you, right Joanna?' i just nodded, i was still kind of out of breath from the trauma and being so nervous about her taking out the tube...



ha ha...the minute G let me go and i rolled back into the regular position, i could feel the warm fluid gush out of the wound and pool around inside the bandage.



'i can feel some of it come out,' i told M. She was just taking off her gloves and took a quick look and said, 'well, there will be a little drainage, but it hasn't soaked through the dressing, it's ok...' i knew she was already on to her next task, in her head at least, and was on her way out...



so M and G left. I felt a little more of the warm gush coming out, but i tensed up because it was making me nervous and i didn't want to say anything.

JOANNAJEAN
(Part III next...)